In short, I have no idea how to prepare for a kidney transplant.
A resounding question I have been getting asked is ‘how do you prepare for a kidney transplant?’ My question is always, ‘how does the donor prepare?’ It’s question I’m currently exploring with folks; a new little side project, if you will.
In the end, it takes two people to make a decision – one to donate, one to receive.
The donor has the greater challenge, in my opinion. They have to make a conscious decision to help altruistically. I’ve been watching my creatinine and eGFR, plotting them on graphs, consulting folks about slopes, reading about what it all means / trying to read tea leaves for the future. I know my goal; I know that a kidney transplant, and whatever that entails, must be done.
The donor is healthy and has to make a decision to share that health with a person who needs it, risking their own in the process. That takes a lot of guts. It takes even more heart. I have asked folks who have chosen to donate why they did. The answers always have a recurring theme: ‘It’s the right thing to do, so why not?’
I can think of a million reasons, and I’m a huge proponent of the process, always reiterating to folks to make sure they include organ donation in their will (a legally binding document) and to discuss their wishes to donate with their loved ones. But, when push comes to shove, donating an organ is so huge to me, such a selfless, magnanimous act, that it becomes unimaginable that people actually do it. Perhaps because I know how much it means to me; perhaps because it literally means everything to me. And there are no words or emotions to express that. There are no words for the life, the chances, the joys that it gives to people and, specifically, to me. For someone give that so selflessly, leaves me awe-struck and speechless.
So, how do you prepare for receiving such a gift?
When you get a lung transplant, you know you need it. You lie awake at night, making deals to yourself, watching the clock, listening to your janky breathing, listening to the oxygen being pumped into your lungs. There are no questions, there is no gray area. There is only breathing and a clock ticking.
With a kidney, you have the benefit and curse of time. Time to help yourself find a donor. Time to consider. Time to worry. Time to try to understand an enigmatic gray area. There are filtration rates, sleepless nights, and wondering if you’re exhausted because you can’t sleep or because your kidneys are trying to get some much needed rest.
You wonder if there is one person out there not only willing to give, but also immunologically capable of giving to you. And then there is you. The one who will receive such a chance. The one who has to acknowledge that it needs to be done and that the time is right. The right time is defined by a myriad of factors – how do you feel, what do the numbers say, what is the probability of finding a compatible donor in a period of time that is so uncertain. Unlike the donor, there is no choice. There is survival in the life that you cherish. You know what you need to do to survive. It’s only a matter of timing. Of waiting. Of trying to read the tea leaves of symptoms and eGFR and of occupying your mind and body until the day arrives.
Like any transplant, the organ isn't 'your's' until it is neatly sewed into your system. So, you prepare in general, thinking what you need to take with you to the hospital, reminding yourself to be brave, reminding yourself to force yourself to walk post-op, running through scenarios in your head like a playbook so that whenever that time comes, and the operation bonnet is switched from red (which means not ready for surgery) to blue (which is go time), you're as ready as possible to start running a different race.
Some of the best advice I ever got was on the squash court: Relax, you know what to do; let your muscle memory take over.
So, after a lot (too much?) thought, I plan to let my body do what it knows to do when the time is right.
With all that said, happy new year! Cheers to a great new year / great new kidney! And a very special cheers to all of you who sign up to be organ donors, who donate, who share the links, who put organ donation in your wills and discussed your wishes with your families. To all of you involved in this process and cheering me on in your own ways: you make new years with new organs possible.
With all my love this and every year, carolyn
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